🍝 THE DAILY SITDOWN 🍝

So, listen to this… this fuckin’ thing happened in Sydney, Australia. A guy, right? Experienced surfer, they say. A *professional* even, according to the papers. Professional… makes you wonder if he knew how to handle a fuckin' shark, huh? Apparently not. This guy’s out there, catching some rays – probably thinking about his next wave, his next big score, you know, the usual surfer stuff – and *BAM!* A shark. A *big* shark, they say. "Suspected large shark," the cops put it. Suspected? Like maybe it was a fuckin’ goldfish, this “large shark”? They found pieces of his surfboard – two sections, they said. Two fuckin’ *sections*. Like somebody took a bite outta a goddamn pizza. This ain’t no tuna, pal, this is a man. They pulled him out of the water, dead. Dead on the spot. Right there on Long Reef Beach. Long Reef? Sounds like some kinda resort for old ladies, not a place where you end up shark food. Now, they closed down the beaches, naturally. Twenty-four to seventy-two hours, they’re sayin’. Twenty-four to seventy-two hours of nothin’ but seagulls and sand. Think of the businesses, the revenue… the whole freakin' ecosystem, gone to hell in a handbasket because of one fuckin' shark. They're tryin' to figure out what kinda shark it was. Experts, they got. Experts… like I need experts to tell me a fuckin’ great white’s a great white. You see the teeth marks, you know what it is. This reminds me of that time Paulie Walnuts… oh, fuhgeddaboudit. Different story, different water. Anyway, this whole thing… it’s a reminder. Life’s a beach, they say. Well, sometimes that beach is full of fuckin' sharks. You gotta watch your back, you gotta be aware of your surroundings, you gotta be smart about your business, whether that business is surfing or something… else. You get what I’m sayin’? They say historically, shark attack deaths are rare in Australia. Less than one a year. One year! And this one makes the papers? The fuckin' media… Always lookin' for blood, always lookin' for the next big story. This ain’t even news unless you live in that fuckin’ place. But hey, maybe that's just me. So there ya have it. A guy, a shark, a beach, and a whole lotta goddamn questions. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta make a call. Maybe I'll see if that guy's gonna be around in hell to get another surfing lesson. *Capisce?*