🍝 THE DAILY SITDOWN 🍝

So, listen to this sh*t. Punjab, right? India. They're calling it the “food basket” of India, these clowns. Like we’re the fuckin’ *meatball* basket of North Jersey, *capisce*? Anyway, this place is underwater. Thirty people dead, minimum. Three hundred and fifty-four *thousand* people screwed. Thirty *thousand* evacuated. Sounds like a fuckin’ mass exodus, right? The whole state, all 23 districts, is a disaster zone. Rivers overflowing, reservoirs about to bust. This Bhagwant Mann guy, the Chief Minister, is running around like a chicken with its head cut off, begging for help. Says it’s the worst flooding since ‘88. Probably had a few good years in between, huh? I bet *those* years were *better* than this one, eh? They’re talking about 148,000 hectares of farmland underwater. That’s a lotta fuckin’ acres, even for a guy like me who’s used to sprawling lawns. A quarter of the population depends on that farmland. That’s a lotta hungry mouths, especially since they’re already underwater. Picture this: you got these farmers, they’re used to dealing with the elements, I'll give them that, but when the water’s up to your freakin’ *ass*, what the hell can you do? And the rivers? The Sutlej, the Beas, the Ravi… these are names that sound like some kinda mob family war, only wetter. Full to the brim, ready to overflow like a… like a overflowing toilet in a bar after closing time. You get the picture. The army, the air force, the navy… they’re all there, throwin’ around helicopters like they’re fuckin’ frisbees. Thirty-five choppers, a hundred boats… it’s like a goddamn amphibious invasion, but instead of conquering territory, they're just rescuing people. This Mann guy, he took a boat tour of the disaster zone, himself. Can you imagine? The guy's got a whole state drowning, and he's taking a *sightseeing* tour? I bet he's got his head full of ideas on how to improve the *drainage* system after this. Maybe he needs a little *landscaping*. The weather agency? They blame some monsoon currents and "westerly disturbances." Sounds like they’re covering their asses. It’s always something, isn’t it? Like some excuse from a guy who just blew his money at the track. And get this, Pakistan's Punjab is flooded too. This thing’s bigger than just one state. It’s a whole regional catastrophe. It’s like… you know, that time we had that sewage backup at the Bing? Only this is… a lot bigger, and has nothing to do with Tony B. So, yeah. Punjab’s fucked. Fuhgeddaboudit. Maybe they should invest in some better drainage. Or, y’know, a really good plumber. Unless they want to spend the money on some new boats… I can make some calls...