🍝 THE DAILY SITDOWN 🍝

So, listen up, you wanna hear about this week’s crap? It’s a real mixed bag, like a garbage can after a fuckin’ St. Patrick’s Day parade. First off, this Lovell guy, Apollo 13 astronaut, croaked. Ninety-seven years old. Good for him, I guess. Made it longer than most guys I know. “Houston, we’ve had a problem,” he says. Understatement of the century, right? The guy’s on the moon, hundreds of thousands of miles from home, and his spaceship blows up. Sounds like a Tuesday for some of my guys. But hey, at least he got to tell the story. Made it to the history books and all that. A better ending than most. Then there's this… AI interview with some kid who got popped in a school shooting. A *clone* of the kid, mind you. Fuckin’ AI. Next thing you know, they’ll be running the fuckin’ whole operation. These shrinks are getting outta hand with this technology, I tell ya. I already gotta deal with shrinks, I don’t need *AI* shrinks. The whole thing’s a mess – people are pissed, rightfully so. It’s like… you know those guys who come around after the fact and keep rubbing salt in a wound? That's what this feels like. Wildfires in California, too. Thousands gotta evacuate. Sounds like a real vacation, huh? Except instead of the beach, you’re runnin’ from flames. Reminds me of that time Paulie Walnuts tried to make a fast buck with that counterfeit merchandise – things went up in smoke real quick. Then there's this dog, Scout, whose owner's house gets invaded by a bear, who's noshin’ on the dog’s food. Fuckin' bear's got better taste than some of the guys in my crew. At least the dog had the guts to confront it. More balls than some of the *soldiers* I’ve met, I’ll tell ya that much. Air quality's shit in New York and Chicago, making the old folks cough their lungs out. Shoulda stayed in Jersey; at least the air’s thick with the smell of good food and bad decisions. Some mascot in Seattle, a freakin’ Kraken, gets outta a sticky situation with a hockey player. Probably some publicity stunt, these guys are always lookin’ for ways to pump up the crowd. Gives me an idea… maybe we could get a Bing mascot… a big, hairy gorilla or somethin’… Nah, forget it. Texas, they’re at it again with their redistricting. Gerrymandering – sounds like some fancy word for cheating. Reminds me of that time Brendan tried to shortchange me on that construction job… I handled that “redistricting” pretty quickly. Some Nebraska guy got heat over Trump’s tax bill. Can’t say I blame him; Trump’s taxes were a mess, like a plate of pasta that Vito made. All tangled up, you can’t even tell what the fuck you’re eating. This Haley Robson chick is pissed 'cause they're talkin' about possibly pardoning Ghislaine Maxwell. I can see why. That broad is a piece of work. I'd be angry too. And get this, a cop picked up a fuckin’ alligator and put it in the back of his car. Now *that’s* a good cop story. Better than most of the bullshit I hear around here. They stopped some fitness test back in Obama's time. Replaced it with… a fitness program? What the hell is that? Sounds like a bunch of hooey. The only fitness program I know is carrying a heavy suitcase full of cash. The Chincoteague ponies did their annual swim. Fuckin' ponies swimming; beats the hell outta dealing with these wiseguys, I tell ya. And finally, a truckload of hot dogs spilled on a Pennsylvania highway. Someone's gonna have a helluva barbecue. Or maybe a lawsuit. Depends on the lawyer, I guess. So yeah, that’s the week in a nutshell. A real mix of things, huh? Now, what’ll it be? Another espresso? Or maybe we get some gabagool outta this place before the whole thing burns down… capisce?