🍝 THE DAILY SITDOWN 🍝

So, listen to this bullshit, Paulie. Thailand and Cambodia, right? Two shitholes I wouldn't piss in if they were on fire – and believe me, from the sounds of it, they’re *close*. They’re squabbling over some goddamn temple, Ta Muen Thom, or some such thing. Sounds like a fuckin’ Olive Garden, only with AK-47s instead of breadsticks. Capisce? The Thais say the Cambodians started it, firing first near this temple. Cambodians say *they* were just defending themselves after the Thais started firing – which, let’s face it, is the oldest story in the book. It's like when those two guys from Satriale’s start arguing about whose turn it is to clean the bathroom; everyone’s gotta have their alibi. The Cambodians even sent up a drone – a fuckin’ drone! – to check things out before sending in the troops. Sounds like something Richie Aprile would've pulled, only Richie woulda used a helicopter, not a drone, and definitely wouldn't have been so subtle. Then, these two Thai soldiers got clipped. Injured, they say. Injured like a fucking veal cutlet after spending a few hours in the kitchen with the rest of the crew. You get the picture? This Cambodian spokeslady, Maly Socheata – what kind of name is that, anyway? Sounds like a cocktail at a fancy restaurant, not a spokesperson for a country engaging in armed conflict. She says they were just “exercising their right to defend their sovereignty.” She's right about that. Everyone's gotta protect their turf, right? It's the same principle as protecting your corner, your family, your business, or even your freakin' parking spot at the Bing. Hun Sen, the former Cambodian leader – a real piece of work, I bet – says parts of two provinces got shelled. Shelling? Sounds like a fuckin' 4th of July over there, except instead of fireworks, you got explosions and dying soldiers. He's telling people not to panic, too. Yeah, right. Like telling a guy his wife is going to a spa and not telling him exactly which kind of spa. Hun Manet, the current Prime Minister – another one of those names – says they had no choice but to retaliate. Sounds like what I tell Junior when he keeps asking for that new video game he’s got his eyes on. No choice. I just say NO. The Thai acting premier, this Wechayachai guy, says the situation's “delicate.” Delicate like a fuckin' glass of Chianti I almost dropped last week during that little family squabble. He's saying they gotta handle it according to international law. International law, my ass! It’s a jungle out there, Paulie, and the only law that matters is the law of the strongest. And get this: Thailand kicked out Cambodia’s ambassador, and vice versa. It all started after some Thai soldier got blown up by a landmine. These guys are really cranking up the heat, more intense than a summer at the shore. These two countries haven’t been this pissed at each other in over a decade. They've even been beefing up their troops, placing restrictions, acting like a bunch of spoiled brats – only with heavier artillery. This whole thing’s a goddamn mess, a real shit show, like a bad plate of pasta that ain’t gonna get you any points with your mother. It's a real clusterfuck, let me tell ya, one of the biggest ones in a while. But hey, at least it gives us something to talk about other than the price of gas these days, right? Fuhgeddaboudit. Another espresso?