🍝 THE DAILY SITDOWN 🍝

So, listen to this bullshit. This fancy-pants British fighter jet, an F-35B – sounds like a goddamn pasta dish, right? – got itself stuck in India. Five weeks! Five weeks this thing’s been sittin’ there like a schmuck, parked at some airport in Thiruvananthapuram, or whatever the hell that name is. Sounds like a disease. Kerala, they call the place. Probably got more coconuts than brains down there, you know? It was on a little joyride over the Indian Ocean, got caught in a storm, *naturally*, and then… *poof*… technical difficulties. Like some kinda clapped-out Caddy, except this baby probably cost more than my whole damn crew's combined houses. Probably more than Paulie’s entire life savings, and that’s saying something. First, they send over a couple of guys from the HMS Prince of Wales – sounds like some fancy-ass cruise ship, right? These guys, they’re supposed to be top-notch, the best of the best, right? They couldn’t fix a goddamn thing. Couldn’t even change a lightbulb, these geniuses. I swear, half the guys in my crew could've fixed that plane faster with a hammer and a prayer. So, then they send over fourteen more engineers. Fourteen! With special equipment. Like they needed a goddamn rocket scientist to change a fuse. Probably spent more on this whole operation than they would on replacing the jet – maybe they're hoping it'll magically fix itself overnight. They didn't even tell us what was wrong! The secrecy was so tight, it could've stopped a bullet. Makes you wonder what they're hiding, right? They towed it to a hangar. I saw the video – looked like a bunch of guys pushing a goddamn refrigerator. These guys are supposed to be experts and they're struggling with this thing. Imagine the bill for this; I bet it's more than my lawyer's monthly fees. Now, all of a sudden, this airport guy – this *official*, mind you – tells the BBC the plane's "airworthy." Airworthy! After five weeks and fourteen engineers. They were acting like they pulled a miracle. Sounds like a load of horse shit to me. They’re probably just tired of looking at it. They’re saying it’s flying out Tuesday. We’ll see about that. Maybe they'll have to send in another team, this time with a priest and some holy water, who knows? This whole thing is a joke, a goddamn opera of incompetence. Reminds me of that time Big Pussy’s boat sank – except at least the boat sank quickly, this thing's taking its sweet time. But hey, at least it gave me something to think about besides what to do with that damn veal parm from yesterday's dinner. You ever try reheating veal parm? Fuhgeddaboudit. This whole thing, though... this is one for the books, see? A real fuckin’ story. Capisce?