🍝 THE DAILY SITDOWN 🍝

So, this Lewotobi Laki-laki thing, right? Another volcano blowin’ its top. Sounds like a real party, huh? Except instead of gabagool and cannolis, it’s spewin’ ash and lava – a real *cazzo* of a mess. Eighteen kilometers of ash, they say. That’s a lotta goddamn ash. Enough to choke a horse… and probably a few hundred tourists, too, if they ain’t smart enough to get the *fuhgeddaboudit* outta there. This ain’t some low-level, "oh, it’s just a little rumble" kind of thing. No, this is full-blown, "the earth is pissed off" kinda eruption. The highest alert level? Yeah, that’s what you call a serious Monday. Twenty-four flights canceled to Bali? Can you imagine? Those rich bastards, stuck in some airport, missing their goddamn massages and fruity cocktails. Serves ‘em right, really. They shoulda stayed home and watched *Judge Judy* like normal people. This Wafid guy, the head of some geology agency – sounds like a real pencil-necked geek, if you ask me – says this eruption is “dangerous.” Well, *duh*, Wafid. It’s a volcano! What the hell did you expect, a freakin’ picnic? He’s worried about aviation, too. Aviation! Like these birds are gonna get burned. The thing is, these planes are probably insured anyway… it’s *me* I’d be worried about if my airplane went down, let alone a jet! They had to widen the exclusion zone to seven kilometers. Seven kilometers! That’s a helluva lot of real estate to clear out. I bet there’s some low-level *cazzo* there who wouldn’t leave even if they were offered a free trip to fuckin’ Hawaii. Probably figured, “eh, the lava will miss me; I’ve got a good luck charm.” Idiots. And get this – they’re worried about “lahars.” These mudslides, right? Sounds like something outta a horror movie, and speaking of which, I had this nightmare once... Nah, fuhgeddaboudit. Point is, these people are in a jam. Four thousand evacuated, they say. That's a lot of people, but still not as many as showed up at Bobby Bacala’s wake. Poor Bobby. Anyway, the ones who didn't leave are running low on water, food, and masks. Reminds me of that time Paulie Walnuts ran out of those fancy cigars he liked. He was a real mess. These people are probably just as miserable. This Paulus guy, running some village – Pululera, what a name – is whining about emergency response. Cry me a river, pal. He should be grateful he ain’t buried under a pile of volcanic rock. They got water for now but… look, these are the facts. It's a volatile situation, a real mess; reminds me of the time we had that problem with that shipment of... well, never mind. The important thing is that people need to get out, and get out now. This ain’t a game, capisce? This is a volcano. And volcanoes don't negotiate. They just blow.